Friday, December 10, 2010

expectations

What I hear about most these days are conversations having to do with preparations that make the "holiday bright. " The traditional decorations, list making for presents and cards, menu's for the family get togethers and every other little detail that goes into the making of a holiday season. Each and everyone of these things are the same and yet different for all families. I remember when one of my girls was in high school she called me one evening to complain about how we didn't have any unique traditions and "it wasn't fair". I remember feeling crushed. I had worked so hard as a young mother to make Christmas as well as all the other holidays special for my children. We always had holiday music, a tree, decorations and an elaborate christmas stocking for each child with individually wrapped gifts in them and gifts of course under the tree. But as far as anything unique? I think we were pretty "traditional" We read the "christmas story" went to the community church tableaux, and had a similar meal each year. I thought it was nice. But now she will grow up and have her own Christmas holiday traditions that will make her holiday bright in the way that she would like to see it shine.

Since my divorce,  the kids have either celebrated twice in one day or just gone to one of our homes for the holiday. This year my holiday is focused on making a a great christmas holiday season for my aunt who is probably experiencing her last Christmas season this year.  I also am excited to  be able to have some special times with three of my kids that will be around Christmas week. I am constantly working on not getting attached to any of the ideas that I have about things that we can do when they are here so that I can go with the flow so to speak.
I am particularly finding it hard to let go of the idea of having a fire in the fireplace on Christmas night and laying around playing games and visiting in case it doesn't happen but I think it will work out.

Each day I am open to what comes into my life at any given moment. It is an exercise in giving up and letting go, not having expectations.