Pulling weeds out of the new grass I am trying to transplant on our property I thought, " Is this it? "
I mean really. I know the EST definition, that each moment is "it". I spent over half my life as a mother. Now they are all gone. They don't need me. Not in the same ways that I felt so useful in before. They are busy. They are happy. They are involved in daily routines,jobs and families that keep them going.
Now my life consists of watering my property, weeding my gardens, making coffee for travellers, the occasional breakfast for a guest, marketing and running the B&B and travelling to take care of my aging aunt.  I am grateful for the technology that keeps me current on what is happening in the world and in the lives of my kids. These connections are so useful and important to me. 
  I recently spent time with a woman my age whose parents and kids all live very close to or in the same town as she and her husband. She has contact with her children all the time. Daily she talks to them, she babysits for them, she has them in for dinners. They go on excursions together. She was anxious to get back to them all. She missed them and the contact she so enjoys with them.
In this day and age when children grow up and fly the coop so to speak, many spread out so far and wide due to jobs and that continual contact is almost impossible. Technological gadgets do help to bridge the space. I know there is a positive to this separation and exploration. I know they need to feel they are growing on their own. I am excited for them as they move forward with their lives
. AND I miss them. and today I had these thoughts...now what?  Somehow in the last little while I feel lost.