Monday, February 28, 2011

Pulling weeds out of the new grass I am trying to transplant on our property I thought, " Is this it? "
I mean really. I know the EST definition, that each moment is "it". I spent over half my life as a mother. Now they are all gone. They don't need me. Not in the same ways that I felt so useful in before. They are busy. They are happy. They are involved in daily routines,jobs and families that keep them going.
Now my life consists of watering my property, weeding my gardens, making coffee for travellers, the occasional breakfast for a guest, marketing and running the B&B and travelling to take care of my aging aunt.  I am grateful for the technology that keeps me current on what is happening in the world and in the lives of my kids. These connections are so useful and important to me. 
  I recently spent time with a woman my age whose parents and kids all live very close to or in the same town as she and her husband. She has contact with her children all the time. Daily she talks to them, she babysits for them, she has them in for dinners. They go on excursions together. She was anxious to get back to them all. She missed them and the contact she so enjoys with them.
In this day and age when children grow up and fly the coop so to speak, many spread out so far and wide due to jobs and that continual contact is almost impossible. Technological gadgets do help to bridge the space. I know there is a positive to this separation and exploration. I know they need to feel they are growing on their own. I am excited for them as they move forward with their lives
. AND I miss them. and today I had these what?  Somehow in the last little while I feel lost.


  1. OK, so this is going to sound really depressing...but I remember a dialogue from Band of Brothers where Sergent Spears is talking to Blythe about not being afraid, and he says something like, "you just don't get it. You have to realize that you are already dead. (you have to give up the idea that you are going to live or survive) You can only really fight this war if you accept the fact that you are already dead. Then it becomes easier and you become a better soldier." This gruesome message translate into my life by accepting that maybe no one will remember me, that maybe no one wants to be my friend, and then, when I can handle that possibility, I can just live my life and be happy with any good or possibly even bad thing that happens each day. Some how it shifts my focus from needing things from other people to taking what I can and relying ultimately on myself for my happiness. And OK, I don't manage to be in that place all the time, but it works for me pretty well.

  2. Wow Jody that is really very good advice(yes and depressing) and its funny because its what I have said to myself a number of times, maybe not in the same words but kinda the same message. It does help when I can hold onto it. Thanks for reading and your support.

  3. Gwen - Very thought-provoking blog. Thanks for writing it.

    I have had similar 4th Dimension (as in Time) Moments. I have a button that says - Stay in the Moment - Damn it's Gone! And I love the irony.

    This peek, awareness, consciousness of time moving (and relationships moving and the tetonic plates of the earth moving :-) and a feeling of powerlessness to affect it. But putting it a bit less morbidly - that awareness of powerlessness is also an opportunity to realign your thinking about the power you do have. Give it a nod and then ask: What can I create today? Who can I touch? How can I shake things up a bit? Since I am here - how can I be relevant to the world and those I cherish in it?

    @Jody - I like your insights too! Strip away the need and appreciate what comes.

  4. Annie, I do like that idea and often find myself wondering what can I do today, how can i be of service to others today etc...I think I was having a blue know? Anyway.....once in awhile I do have the thought that all there is? But I love my life in CR and at home in the Philadelphia area....I am busy and have so many things for which to be grateful. I loved your optimism piece.

  5. Lami's ole Gran - I just reread my previous comment and want to add that I should have noted that I could see that you were having one of those days - as we all do - and contemplating life from a different angle. Sorry I missed that opportunity and possibly came off preachy - I hate that!

    Hope you have a great day - wherever it takes you.
    ~ Annie

  6. NO Worries Annie, I love being in contact with you and am once again enjoying my days of gratitude thanks to you...You didn't sound preachy at all. Kind and thoughtful and real. Which I totally appreciate. love,Gwen