Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Balance




Me with
Michael and Ben at Michael's Wedding
I always wanted to have a large family.  I wanted to be the kind of mother I wished I had had. In short I wanted to be a perfect mother. A good mother. My mother died in childbirth.  I lived with my loving aunt and her family for my first 9 months. After that amazing experience I spent 13 yrs living with one abusive step mother after another til I moved out at the age of  fourteen years old. I knew how I wanted to be because I had a daily example of what I knew I didn't want to be like for almost my entire childhood.
Brittany, Brooke, Chandra and Deborah
 Loving my children came easily to me. That was only half the battle. To actually do the work of mothering I spent an enormous amount of time reading books and talking to other mothers of various ages. What I know now that I didn't know then was that being a motherless daughter makes being a mother a bit more difficult. I had no daily example of what to do in any given example. I had no frame of reference. I had no memorybank to pull  "oh my mom used to do thus an so"  from, so I was a bit lost as a young mother and afraid to admit it or look incompetent. So I over compensated and tried to be perfect in every way. Me and Mary Poppins pratically perfect in every way!! Hahahaha. NOT!! (as my kids would say) 
Brooke, Debs, Chandra, Brittany Tonight is going to be a good good night!

 I knew how to cook, clean and take care of a house. That was easy. That was something I had been doing since I was nine years old. I was Cinderella. That wasn't a story. That was my life as a child. I knew how to be a housekeeper. What I needed to figure out  was how to add my love for my kids into the knowledge and ability to keep house. I needed balance. I wanted to learn to play with my kids and relax. RELAXING is key I think. Taking time to just stop and spend time with your children is so important. Finding a balance seems to be the work of mothering. I am not saying I didn't do it...I feel I didn't do it well enough.

 You know how people always compliment parents and say " You should be so proud of your kids" or "Wow great job on your kids" or " You have done such a good job raising your kids" I have always felt awkward recieving compliments on my  mothering. I don't feel like I deserve the compliments. I feel like my kids deserve them. In some respects they raised me! They were wonderful children to have and  yes grow up with ! Yes! I meant grow up with. I feel like I grew up with my kids. Infact I feel like I still learn so much through my relationships with them now.
One thing is for sure, they are loving, responsible, affectionate, hilariously, friendly over achievers who are well- loved among their family and friends. This is a wondeful testament to them. I love them.



Brittany, Chandra, Me, Maureen, Debs and Brooke